This piece was written by “Carl.” I have written about “Carl” in previous posts. He has become a minister, a pastor at Joe’s. Such an amazing story of God’s grace. This was written during a particularly difficult and painful time, as some of those to whom we’ve been ministering were being difficult——more than difficult——down right painful for us. Warning: it is raw. But it is real. It is the reality of loving Jesus in the least of these.

Why these people.  Why these issues?  Why?  Why do they come here?  Why do they seek us? Why?  I’ll tell you why: because there is no one else.  No one else.  Not their friends. Not their so-called friends. Not their family...hell, not America.  We have zero tolerance. Zero tolerance for retards, crooks, crazies, whores, anybody who isn’t banging the grid for all they can get out of it.  Fools?  You tell me. The grid is playing them. All that Matrix shit is true, brothers and sisters.

And they don’t seek us, God sends them. He sends them here because ...well you’d have to ask him, not me. All I know is he sends them. 

So here we are, and they seek us for tolerance. Tolerance for retards, crooks, crazies, whores, anyone who flips off the grid. They are the new children of God, the new chosen. His Kingdom come. They are why we even exist. To love the unlovable no matter how much it stinks. No matter how much they seem to hate us. To be there. To not fight back.  To not care if they crap in the street. I hate those bastards that crap in the street. No, they’re okay.

Why are we here? Why do they come? We are the same. No difference. No booze in them that’s not in us. No meth in them not in us. Nothing in them not in us. The hate, the pain, the fear, the love, all of it. All the same. Never look back. Just go to be love. Don’t hate. Get angry...sure. Scream anger, scream fear, scream terror, scream! Scream as the Son screamed at the money-changers.  He screamed at those sons of bitches! Scream in love.  Don’t look back. Don’t forget, don’t, don’t, don’t.

Here we are. What do we do? For whom? For us? Okay. For them? Shit...that hurts. For God...I guess. It hurts. It all hurts. But it’s a good pain. Pain and injury. Not the same. Pain is that which brings us to God. Pain brings us to the point of Christ’s suffering. Injury IS Christ’s suffering. Do you go there? Do I go there?  Do I take a nail in the hand, the lashes, the thorns under the skin of my skull? Hell no! I take the pain without the injury because I’m not him. Not God. I couldn’t bear to suffer as he did for me. All I can do is complain. All I can do is whine. All I can do is moan about them. Them. The reason we’re here. Them.

Why am I here? What can I do? How can I help? I can’t. I can only stand by and watch. Watch Caesar destroy life.  Watch people kill each other. Watch. Watch in my horror and fear. Fear to stand up. Fear to scream I AM SPARTACUS.  I AM SPARTACUS! Hell, I don’t have the courage to be Spartacus’ left nut.

So why am I here? I’m here to stand in the gate. To protect them. To help. To be a meaningless dingleberry on the life-ass of some destitute, 3/4 crazy son of a bitch who doesn’t even want me here. Here to maybe be that one thing that saved them. To maybe. Maybe. That’s all we can hope for. To be the maybe for somebody. That’s all we can  hope for. All of it. 

Just be here. Maybe for nothing, but maybe to be the maybe. And if we’re lucky we might just be the one beyond maybe.